Delorean #2

Excerpts from the voice-recorded day-in-the-life of Nat 2005.

Tuesday Canberra, ATO Change Project. 11:15am

Andy: So Nathan, have you finished that design document?

Nat: Yeah, I am pretty sure I sent it to you last night. Let me just check….yep should be in your inbox. The only thing we are waiting on is the data models from IM&A.

Andy: Alright then.

Nat: IM&A – Idiots Morons and Arseholes.

Ed: That was so lame.

Nat: You’re lame.

Ed: No you are.

Cris: Boys be nice. You know I like to laugh. Laugh at each other. Great. Laugh at me. I will even join in. But I don’t like the laughter of hate. The Anit-Laugh.

Nat: you know, I don’t think she can help talking like David Brent anymore. That might hinder her career.

Ed: Just scored 6’s of every ball against Warne in Stick cricket.

Nat: Nice. Worked out this morning how to bypass the ATO firewall and download torrents.

Ed: Genius.


So I like Aaron Sorkin Television shows. The West Wing in particular. Sure it became a bit self righteous during seasons 3 and 4 but a return to form in seasons 6 and 7. And the parallels between the Santos election campaign and our friend Mr. Obama. Please.

All the time I have put into these shows I think I deserve compensation. I will conservatively bill at $30 per hour (imagine if I billed out at my consultation rate) and I am giving Sorkin a free pass for Studio 60.


Back to the...Well

I have been know to say that if there are no flying cars by 2015 I will run for public office with the promise of delivering flying cars the center of my election platform.

But I actually don't think I could deliver on my promise - not to mention hover boards and Nike power laces. You know who would get the job done and sort all this out, Mayor Fucking Goldie Wilson.

What has been made, Back to the Future style, is this:

Melbourne Futon store violating all different kinds of copyright!

On video games, there was a trend a little while ago, of releasing ol skool video games, such as pacman, space invaders etc on new consoles as kinda a retro-irony cool gaming trend. They sold pretty well and were inexpensive for gaming companies to release.

Unfortunately EA, Sega and Activision never released the proposals I put to them. They included video game versions of:

Ball and cup
Hoola Hoop
Stick ball
stick and Hoop
Four square
Down Ball (or Up Ball)

*Observation* any game that involves an inadament object in its title is destined to suck arse.


Die Humour

Sometimes its funny to laugh at inappropriate things. Whether it be someone falling over, a racist joke or a dirty joke. we laugh because we know it was wrong. I guess you can call it black humour.

Quite often the righteous among us will scorn those who indulge in this, even if they are being post-modern ironical. but this type of humour has a rich historical and cross-cultural heritage.

The Germans actually have a word that means to find humour in the inappropriately. Its Gemütsart. Its literal translation is, "Ha, let us laugh at that dirty Jew."

*Little if anything written above is based on fact.

Things that I found out too late #1

Its called “totem tennis” not “token tennis”

“Canary in a coal mine” is not just a funny image.

Small sticks used when starting a fire are called kindling not stickies.

A "jew jump" is not an appropriate schoolyard game.

Delorean #1

Excerpts from my travel journal 2005/2006…

Tuesday 12th May 2005

After my third cup of Saigon coffee today (quality drip-coffee, condensed-milk, ice and vanilla) I went to have lunch at the Hilton with my friend Hanh (A person not a beer). I spoke too quickly and realised Hanh’s politeness prevented her from doing anything other than nodding and laughing at inappropriate places. I wish it was recorded because I think normally I have a bit of a country drawl, with a slight lisp. I will never be accused of sounding too intellectual.

Had a club sandwich only because I didn’t think I had had a club sandwich before. Turns out I had. Seems an odd reason to form a club anyway.

“Hey man. Do you like sandwich’s?”

“You do! Sweet. Lets form a club. Tell me, where do you stand on multiple layers and tooth picks?” – I think that was a Mitch Hedberg bit. Solid.

Travelled 5.2 kms on my scooter today. Satisfied.

Olympic Scrap

It is rumored that London will be introducing Darts as an official Olympic event. Genius.

Events I would like to see eliminated.

Speed Walking - if not eliminated at least drop the "speed" or include it in other events. E.g. Speed Running, Speed Swimming.

Equestrian - this is a sport for animals. If we keep this event then they should make it interesting by swapping the horses for Zebras.

Steeple Chase - this is the event where they run around the athletics track jumping over hurdles and there is that one hurdle that is over a puddle of water. what activity this is supposed to represent in human life is beyond me. Only keep event if they make it more like horse stepplechasing where the runner has to piggyback another person around the track. Or maybe a horse. No that would be too big. A pony!

Any event where the participants have to wear make up and smile - includes synchronised swimming and gymnastics.

Events with misleading names - "Mens rings", Fencing and Boxing.

Events that should be merged or added.

Zebra riding (see above)

Totem tennis - or combine totem tennis with table tennis.

Hockey, water polo and equestrian to be combined. Horses to wear flippers in the water, riders to use La Cross sticks.