Surely there has to be a better way to check for prostate cancer than sticking a finger up the arse and foraging around the prostate? Some scan or something. Couldn’t they use that new x-ray machine that they are going to use at airports? I will tell you something for nothing – there is a Gobillion dollars to the inventor of such a devise.
“Ah, Mr. Jones, I see you are due for due for your yearly prostate check-up. Now we have two options here. One costs $200 and is non-invasive, much like a diabetes test. The other is free and involves you dropping your trousers, bending forward over the examination table, at which point I will slip my rubber clad finger up your anus”
It’s not even the physicality of the procedure. Yes slightly uncomfortable I imagine but not exactly painful. It is the indignity for both parties involved. I can’t help but think about the doctor having to study medicine for seven years only to spend his days with his well-lubed-up fingers up mine and other men’s arses.
I have done a little research on the matter and found out some important facts.
- The traditional prostate exam, where a finger is inserted into the anus, is medically referred to as a Digital Rectal Exam, or more commonly a DRE. Poor Doctor Dre. He really got the bum rap on that one. Press Play!
(bum rap…fuck that felt good).
- The DRE only really examines about 10% of the prostate area. That is the area that can be reached by the fingers
- Many studies have questioned the effectiveness of the DRE in detecting cancer and other prostate related illnesses.
- The American Medical Association is currently changing its guidance relating to prostate examinations to “a thorough screening for prostate cancer every 4 years is adequate."
- The Health Central website advises a doctor exam every 4 years combined with either a self-examination or PARTNER-assisted examination every year. (The only time I am ever letting my partner put something up my arse is if there is some form of leather harness, lubrication, a safety word and the promise of an orgasm).
- If you ever do get anything stuck up your arse, say like a cucumber or a dildo or the entire cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, you will need three things; a bottle of whiskey, a pair of tongs and a friend who can keep a secret.