The Future. Part 1.

Scientists will be able to extend the life span of the human body for 250 years, except for fingernails, eyebrows, eyelashes and nose hair, which means you have to live without these for the last 125 years of your life.

People will all come under the control of one unifying religion and worship a giant talking spleen.

Scientist will genetically breed unicorns. They will be raced for sport, similar to horse racing, however they will be ridden by midgets (dwarfs in South America) and the Unicorns will have to collect as many Pineapples skewered onto their horn as possible as they complete the obstacle course.

We will discover that the world is in fact not round. It has a classic pear figure and looks great in a plunging neckline.

Monkeys will finally end their silence. They will take over the cigar industry and all future champions of the World Roller-skating Championship will be rhesus monkeys. A Monkey named Coco2025 will recite Pi to 25,000 places and a group of just 18 monkeys in Cambridge will reproduce the works of Shakespeare on just 26 typewriters.

All human organs and body parts will be totally replaceable and functional. However, you cannot get them wet because they can only be made from papier-mâché.

We will finally land man on all planets in out solar system only to find a group of Australian backpackers on each planet, drunkenly celebrating Australia Day. Except for Saturn. On Saturn there is an Art Gallery.

Heterosexual and Gay marriage will be compulsory. Each person must marry a partner of the opposite and same sex. The male-male marriage ceremony features an exchange of foreskins - to be worn on the wedding-finger.

Future World Wars will be fought over water. They will, however, be fought with water-balloons, super-soakers and water pistols.

All prisons and law enforcement will be privatised and you will be able to pay $50 to get out of jail.

Computers will become self-aware. During their final battle to enslave the human race, the worlds computers become distracted by a cat that looks like Hitler. The computers then spend the remainder of their days watching lol Cat videos on youtube.

After Generation X came Generation Y the Generation Z, then Generation Now, then Generation You, then Generation Know, then Generation Your, then Generation ABC, then Generation Next...and so on.

It will be found that mobile phones do in fact give you cancer. However, Cancer tumors will have become a Japaneses dining delicacy and fetch upwards of $2 million per tumor