Trust Watch

I admit dear reader, I have let you down. I have been complacent, hoping the world was a good place, trying to walk on the sunny side of the street, and I let my guard down. And you have been put at risk. No longer. You will be protected against all that would harm you on my weekly installment of Trust Watch!

Christian Bale
Number five on today’s Trust Watch, Christian Bale. If he is not hurling abuse at Shane Hurlbut, he is destroying the Batman franchise with his over-the-top 'Batman voice" and under-acting. Please, stop. You are hurting me. All this from the man who played American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman to perfection. Prediction - he will murder Terminator Salvation.

Porn
At four comes men who say they don't watch porn. Guys, stop lying. I know, you watch porn, I watch porn, we all watch porn. Some of us more than others, sure, but if there is a cock and two balls and an Internet connection, there will be porn. Ladies, yes you have a nice guy. Sure he is sensitive and understands the moral gray areas of porn production. You have probably heard him rant about how sexist porn is and how degrading it is to women. Unfortunately, as soon as you're out the door he's jumped on the computer and is jacking off to Big butt anal attack 3 and working through your $45-a-bottle Clinique moisturiser.

Whales
Mammals that live in the seas, need I say more? It seems there is an increasing amount of evidence to suggest that whales, while joining in on the evolution conga-line and decided to leave the water and become land based, they grew legs and decided to kick it on land for a few million years. They then decided that land wasn't for them and headed back into the water. Not to be trusted.

Soup
Number two on Trust Watch, Soup. Liquid, Solid. Meal, Snack. Entree, Main. Spoon, fork. Make up your mind. It's time we finally get this sorted.

Cats
I like to pat cats. A walk home from a night of drink, nothing gives me more comfort to know that there will be 3 cats to pat on my way home. However, recently the street cats of my neighborhood have colluded and are running away as soon as they see me. Come back kitties. Added to this, yesterday I patted a neighborhood cat I had only seen once before. We had a good five-minute patting session during the afternoon. The poor misguided cat, misunderstood our bonding session as an invite to enter my room through an open window at 5:30 in the morning, a fact I soon uncovered after he woke me this morning playing under my bed with a piece of crumbled paper. Cats, number one on this weeks Trust Watch.