I'm lame. I know it. You know it. But some people are not fully aware of my lameness which is why I feel obliged to rectify their ignorance with saying things that will leave no doubt in anyone's mind. The following is a collection of things I tend to repeat given the appropriate circumstances and conversational prompts.
Whenever I here someone say "Rad", in my head I will say, "Nip into Nat's Rad" - you know, like the ads. Sometimes I say it out loud.
When driving, riding or walking over Ruckers Hill in Northcote with a companion I will always say, "bar the Dandenong ranges, Ruckers Hill is the highest geological point in Melbourne." I doubt that it is true.
After giving my opinion on medical matters, if my opinion has been well received, I will say, "you know it's strange, but my formal training is in pediatrics.
When meeting someone called Mat, for some reason I always blurt out, "Nat. Mat. Hey we rhyme. You gotta like that." Generally met with the look someone has after shaking the hands of a mentally retarded 10 year old.
I will always tell people that Dandenong is the geographical or population centre of Melbourne. I have no idea if this is true or not.
Upon meeting girls called Nat, again without any control or restraint, I will say, "Two Nats. How do you like that? You know, we could never have kids. They would end up being retarded?"
If ever asked how physiotherapy went, I will say, "Great. My hamstrings made great progress today. Apparently they repressed some childhood memories of being sodomized by my glutes."
Yeah, well you suck too.