Thursday

Unhappy Campers

Lets get political, Political
I wanna get political, let's get into political
Let me hear your body talk,
Your body talk, let me hear your body talk.

Despite my hatred for Sean Penn (such a self-important douchebag) I am excited to see the Gus Van Sant directed Milk, the story of Harvey Milk. When I go to the cinema I always like to have Milk to drink during the movie. Flavored, Plain, it doesn't matter. This should be a fantastic collision of two Milk worlds.

But on the subject of Gay rights...

Gay people are not allowed to get married. It's hard enough for them to get government-backed civil unions, and in many countries around the world they do not get the same partner rights as do heterosexual couples under state-backed civil unions.

Regardless of you opinion of whether the government should be in the marriage business (my opinion is that governments should legally protect civil unions and marriage is a church/spiritual thing) we can see the disparity. Gay people are getting shafted, yeah? And most of us heterosexuals, are not.

Now, they say we study history, partly, so we don't repeat the mistakes of the past. Do you remember history lessons when you taught about South Africa apartheid or Jim Crow laws in the South of the USA? The thing that always stuck in my mind was that they would have "white only" and "black only" drinking fountains.

My advice to couples about to tie the knot. STOP DRINKING FROM THE "WHITE ONLY" DRINKING FOUNTAIN YOU CUNTS.

Show some fucking solidarity. Boycott marriages until we all have equal rights under the law. If it means getting rid of marriages sponsored by government altogether, then great. If the majority don't protect the rights of the minority who will? The Government? Yeah right.

And I am not against marriage, but fuck, if you are against discrimination this solidarity is a no-brainier. But this is the modern world with modern ethics where we want change and we don't want no sacrifice.
This is why people are no good and can't be trusted with communitarian-types of societal structures.

Overheard conversation Today - Young boy to Dad
Dad, can I have that stamp?
Of course you can. Why?
I collect stamps.
Realy?
Yup
How many do you have?
One. I just started.

Monday

The Future. Part 1.

Scientists will be able to extend the life span of the human body for 250 years, except for fingernails, eyebrows, eyelashes and nose hair, which means you have to live without these for the last 125 years of your life.

People will all come under the control of one unifying religion and worship a giant talking spleen.

Scientist will genetically breed unicorns. They will be raced for sport, similar to horse racing, however they will be ridden by midgets (dwarfs in South America) and the Unicorns will have to collect as many Pineapples skewered onto their horn as possible as they complete the obstacle course.


We will discover that the world is in fact not round. It has a classic pear figure and looks great in a plunging neckline.


Monkeys will finally end their silence. They will take over the cigar industry and all future champions of the World Roller-skating Championship will be rhesus monkeys. A Monkey named Coco2025 will recite Pi to 25,000 places and a group of just 18 monkeys in Cambridge will reproduce the works of Shakespeare on just 26 typewriters.


All human organs and body parts will be totally replaceable and functional. However, you cannot get them wet because they can only be made from papier-mâché.


We will finally land man on all planets in out solar system only to find a group of Australian backpackers on each planet, drunkenly celebrating Australia Day. Except for Saturn. On Saturn there is an Art Gallery.

Heterosexual and Gay marriage will be compulsory. Each person must marry a partner of the opposite and same sex. The male-male marriage ceremony features an exchange of foreskins - to be worn on the wedding-finger.

Future World Wars will be fought over water. They will, however, be fought with water-balloons, super-soakers and water pistols.

All prisons and law enforcement will be privatised and you will be able to pay $50 to get out of jail.

Computers will become self-aware. During their final battle to enslave the human race, the worlds computers become distracted by a cat that looks like Hitler. The computers then spend the remainder of their days watching lol Cat videos on youtube.

After Generation X came Generation Y the Generation Z, then Generation Now, then Generation You, then Generation Know, then Generation Your, then Generation ABC, then Generation Next...and so on.

It will be found that mobile phones do in fact give you cancer. However, Cancer tumors will have become a Japaneses dining delicacy and fetch upwards of $2 million per tumor

Saturday

once you go black you never go barack

The standing of The United States of America in the international community has caught a lucky Public Relations break. With the recent swearing in of President Obama the popular anti-American activity of effigy burning and effigy hanging will become a thing of the past. Why?

Because this...

















will look a little too much like this...




















because he's black, right? duh.


As I was writing this I remembered the one reason I wanted John McCain to win the Presidency. I was going to launch incontinence nappies for Old folks and have them endorsed by John McCain.

We all know with old age sometimes you have accidents. Now you never have to worry about the those little accidents in your pants again. With the new Abraham Leakages from Huggies, incontinence nappies have never felt so Presidential. The only accidents John McCain now has to worry about are those created by his own foreign policies. With their slim design and unnoticeable padding you will be the Commander in Briefs of your own bowels.
Be your very own Leader of the Pee World with Abraham Leakages - the new incontinence nappies brought to you by Huggies. Shitting in your own dacks has never quite felt so Statesmanlike.

Monday

24 hour flower people

If you are buying flowers at 3:30 in the morning there is a 75% chance you are douche bag or vampire and have or are about to do something wrong.

People who need to buy flowers at 3:30 in the morning:
1. People who have just cheated on their partner.
2. People who are about to cheat on their partner and are buying flowers for their lover.
3. People on their way to the hospital because someone is dying.
4. You are a vampire on a date.

**Melbourne has two 24 hour florists (that I know of)**

blog. blog. away.

I have been away from my blog for a bit. I came down with some vomiting and other flu like symptoms when I awoke one morning 10 days ago and realised that squash and quash were just too similar in meaning and spelling which caused my body to decided that the contents on my stomach would look more artistic on the outside of my body and that food was no longer a necessary element for survival.

The doctor seemed to suggest that there was something more to it than that.

...

Sunday

It takes a lot of little nuts.

Guess how many Nuts in this Jar?



















Answer in tomorrows post.

And don't say "a lot". That answer has already been taken by these guys.




It's worth watching to the end of this clip. A rewarding dance scene for all!