Monday

Nats say the darnedest things

I'm lame. I know it. You know it. But some people are not fully aware of my lameness which is why I feel obliged to rectify their ignorance with saying things that will leave no doubt in anyone's mind. The following is a collection of things I tend to repeat given the appropriate circumstances and conversational prompts.

Whenever I here someone say "Rad", in my head I will say, "Nip into Nat's Rad" - you know, like the ads. Sometimes I say it out loud.

When driving, riding or walking over Ruckers Hill in Northcote with a companion I will always say, "bar the Dandenong ranges, Ruckers Hill is the highest geological point in Melbourne." I doubt that it is true.

After giving my opinion on medical matters, if my opinion has been well received, I will say, "you know it's strange, but my formal training is in pediatrics.

When meeting someone called Mat, for some reason I always blurt out, "Nat. Mat. Hey we rhyme. You gotta like that." Generally met with the look someone has after shaking the hands of a mentally retarded 10 year old.

I will always tell people that Dandenong is the geographical or population centre of Melbourne. I have no idea if this is true or not.

Upon meeting girls called Nat, again without any control or restraint, I will say, "Two Nats. How do you like that? You know, we could never have kids. They would end up being retarded?"

If ever asked how physiotherapy went, I will say, "Great. My hamstrings made great progress today. Apparently they repressed some childhood memories of being sodomized by my glutes."

Yeah, well you suck too.

Uhh Yeah...

I haven't been posting much of my stuff to my blog lately and it's mainly due to Uhh Yeah Dude. I love them and they are making me hate the internet. Damn you UYD!

Thursday

Exercising my demons

Aerobics Class? Uhh, sorry lady it ain't no class. You're not learning anything there except that everyone looks like a tool doing the grapevine to the Venga Bus song. If anything, aerobics is a sources of "un-learning". Get yourself a pen and pad, then we'll talk. Until then let's lay off the "class" bizzo and just stick to aerobics, yeah?

so we are all doing quiz's on facebook now, are we? It's OK, go right on ahead. I just wanted to check in and see where we all are at...

oh. please.

Girl: "Chicken breasts aren't like human breasts are they?"
Me: rolling around laughing in bed for 5 minutes, then..."Umm..what the..ah...have you ever tried to milk a chicken. Their nipples are quite small"


Guy at Party: "Yeah I am part of the collective in St. Kilda that organises the Melbourne Vegan Eating Competitions."
Me: "Ah, the Vegan Eating Competition Consortium!"
Guy: "No, it's a collective."