Thursday

I probably shouldn't even be telling you this...

Clear the Cache - the act boys perform prior to their girlfriends coming to visit,  just in case she uses his internet.

Clearing the Cache or "Deleting Internet History" is something all boys do to avoid awkward conversations trying to explain video links to "Plump Asian Butt Fuckers" or "Strap-on Bukkake Party"

Any woman that wants to check that her man has "Cleared the Cache" can check the internet history of his primary web browser.*  If there is no or very little history of anything, he's just Cleaned the Cache.

*Boys will often direct people using their computer to use Internet Explorer or some other secondary web browser as this browser is not the browser they use to access their internet porn.

Dominant Ball - Guys have a dominant testicle.  I didn't know if you realised this or not but I thought you should know.  One ball hangs lower than the other, the dominant ball, which for the majority of men is slightly larger and usually the left testie.  

The two balls often jostle for prime scrotum position especially amongst men who wear jocks or tight pants which, however gallant the less dominant ball is, will inevitable result in the dominant ball, or quall, victorious.

Oh, and the whole ball licking thing, it's totally not necessary but we appreciate it.  We understand how gross our scrotum is, and given the actual marginal physical pleasure it gives us fellas (it's OK but nothing to write home about), big props to you ladies.

peace out. jkl. 

today.

Today I didn't go into work.  Instead I slept late, got up and went for a long walk and a skim milk latte.  On my walk I saw 4 cats and petted two of them. 

I got my coffee to go.  It was a good coffee, which was a relief, as the world seems to have been playing a game of coffee lottery with me lately at ghastly unfavorable odds.  Coffee can only be good or bad.  If it is not good, it cannot be ok; the rules of coffee stipulate that anything that doesn't taste good taste shit.  I get sick of people telling me how great a particular cafes’ coffee is.  Tell me that it is not shit and I'm on board. 

I grab my coffee and continue to walk.  I start to cross the road.  A red 4WD is waiting to turn left, slowly inching forward, waiting for me to get out of the way.  It has a vanity license plate.  FIDDLR. 

I walk past a sign in a shop that reads, "Fancy Yourself Fiddling".  I stop and stare at it perhaps for a little too long because the shopkeeper comes out and asks me if I need any help.  I do.  But she couldn't. 

I was strolling now.  I had dropped the pace and come to the bottom of my coffee.  I walked past a park where a man in a suit was sitting on a bench, unwrapping the cling-wrap from his sandwich.  His sandwich was balanced on his lap and he was trying to fish something out of his backpack that was placed beside him.  While his attention was not on his sandwich a gust of wind blew the top slice of white bread right off of the rest of the sandwich and onto the ground.  Should have used more butter.

He quickly grabbed for the slice of bread and picked it off the ground.  Then, in a manner of trying to look like he wasn't checking for witnesses, he cocks his head around to see if there was any witnesses that saw him retrieve the bread of the ground.  I looked away.  Satisfied with the cleanliness of his bread and satisfied that there were no onlookers he proceeded to eat his lunch. 

It was time I went home and did some work.  I was glad I went for a walk.

Wednesday

A lull in proceedings.

Sass. Lull. Suss? what else? A friend and I, the other day, were discusiing words that are almost entirely all the same letter. Apart from single letter words we were questioning what the highest percentage of a word can be of one letter. Seventy-five percent seems to be the correct figure.

Three letter words, they have to be of the form 2:1 (otherwise, 1:1:1, or all the same letter), like bob or pop. but this only gets us to 66.66% or 2/3. Five letter words, to be above 75% would have to have 4 letters all the same to reach 80%. I don't know of any such word.

So 4 letter words, such as lull, are it. LULL. It is really just one letter substitution away from being all L's. LLLL. That seems too dangerous if you ask me. What if something happened to the 'u'? What if it gets lost? What happens when you type 'lull and miss the 'u'? 'lll'. Do we really need the extra L? Couldn't we just do with LUL and save on a letter. LUL isn't a word is it? I like to think that it originally was lul but as a word, 'lul' wasn't very popular. Its PR people, in an attempt to boost its popularity and improve value, released an all new 'lul', now with 50% more L for your Lulling pleasure.

Fuck you. What exciting things were you doing on Sunday morning, jackass?