Tuesday

Leanne, Dave and Felix the cat.

The story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Dave, a friend of mine, was telling me a story about his girlfriends cat and how it came to be cremated. Dave and his missus, Leanne, lived together in a ground floor apartment in inner-city Melbourne. Leanne came to the relationship with a cat that a previous boyfriend had bought her for an earlier birthday. Lets call the cat Felix. Leanne, Dave and Felix the cat had lived a happy and peaceful life together in this inner-city flat for the past couple of years.


Leanne's family reside overseas. So once each she, she heads off to China and visits her relatives and friends for about 2 months. On the last occasion that Leanne was away, Dave woke one morning, made himself coffee and walked out to the courtyard. It was here that he found Felix. Dead. Lying. Flat. Stiff. And definately dead.

Dave attempted to get into contact with Leanne but learnt from her relatives that she was going to be out of reach for the next few days. So Dave was left to ponder the decision of what to do with the corpse. Being a paved courtyard, there was nowhere for Dave to dig up and therefore no place for Felix to be burried. Dave contemplated the nature strip outside his appartment block but thought this would need to be done under the cover of night and perhaps was not such a great idea givin' that he would have to tell Leanne where Felix was buried.

While he pondered this problem further, Dave placed Felix the cat in a shoebox and spoke to his mum. She suggested he call the local Vet.

Dave called the Vet and the Vet presented him with two options. One, the Vet could dispose of the cat for a fat fee of $45. Two, the Vet could have Felix cremated for $320, plus the additional cost of the Urn.

Knowing that Leanne would prefer the creamted option, Dave found himself facing a dilema. Why should he have to fork out cash for a dead cat that he didn't even buy? Yes he cared for the cat but $320!

Now some people would decide between those two options accepting the pitfalls of each one but ultimately living with the consequences. Dave is not like most people. Dave isn't really like people at all.

Dave took the cat to the vet to dispose for the low cost of $45. Dave then visited the local Salvos and bought a ceramic urn-like container for $3. He then went home, burnt some paper and twigs, placing them in the ceramic urn and presented it to Leanne upon her return as Felix's cremated remains.

I do not condone this behaviour. Not at all. But THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS?

meh

The usual story. I can't be arsed putting any of my writing up here at the moment. Not really that busy, just not in the mood.

I bought my brother The Chocolate War and Beyond the Chocolate War by Robert Cormier for his 12th birthday. Apparently it has some sex scenes, alludes to a rape and one of the characters suicides (yes, not commits suicide, let's just say suicides, OK). He liked it. A good change from Harry Potter and Atticus Fowl.

Ways in which me and Michael J Fox are similar.
(I have always love MJF since I was little. Something about Alex P Keating appealed to me. It is that arrogant protagonist with a heart that suck people in all the time (Josh Lyneman anyone?). Then Back to the Future etc. When I was 20 they started showing repeats of Family Ties at 4:30pm weekdays. I would skip classes 3 days a week to ride home and watch it. I became a little obsessed. I dreamt about him when I slept. I once had a dream I was him in my very own Being Michael J Fox moment).

I studied Economics. Alex P Keating studied Economics.
I had two sisters and one brother. Alex P Keating had 2 sisters and one brother.
Nathan J Graf has 11 letters. Michael J Fox has 11 letters. And the same middle initial.
My other middle initial is P as in John Paul.
If you keep the J constant and move one letter backwards for N J G, the N become M and the G becomes an F, you get MJF.
At the time I wore woolen vests like Alex P Keating and owned a sleeveless parker like in Back to The Future.
I am sure there are more…

This is perhaps the funniest thing I have seen all year. And on Mitchell and Webb, more people should be watching Peep Show. I put it up there with Curb, Office, Arrested. At the moment perhaps a little higher.