Sunday

Trust Watch

It is scary out there, kids. Like Cat Sevens said, it is a wild world, and he goes further to point out that it can be difficult to make it by just upon a smile. Perhaps you could make it by upon a smile so long as you have regular installments of Trust Watch. Cat Stevens didn't say that last bit, I did. Though he also has a song called, Was Dog a Doughnut, so I really don't know what to believe. Now to the incoherent, nonsensical, arbitrary ranting!

5. Tram tracks. For those lucky enough to live in cities with Trams, we also are unlucky enough to live in cities with tram tracks. The slippery, greasy enemy of cyclist and motorcyclist, tram tracks are responsible for many accidents, and unfortunately, some deaths (hey yo Swanston st buses, you cool?). In the past 3 weeks I have seen three people crash their bicycles due to slipping on the tracks. It is odd, you can be acutely aware of choosing appropriate angles and speeds when you are crossing tracks and yet you can still slip up. Rain, Grease and Steel unsurprisingly doesn't make for superiour traction. So be careful kids.

I have a pant zip that is a little loose and undoes itself with the aid of its friend, gravity. I asked google for a quick, short-term solution to this and the suggestion presented to me was spray it with Hairspray to make the metal teeth on the zipper more sticky. And it works. Which is why I propose they spray all the tram tracks, every week, with hairspray (because it would wear off after a little bit). What's that, how would you undertake this logistical nightmare of spraying the hundreds of kilometers of tram tracks with hairspray once each week? Surely the cost in man-hours alone, Nat, would make this project unfeasible, not to mention the cost of hairspray. Nat you really have lost your marbles and by the way, you need a haircut. All you need to do is rig up some contraption onto the back of each tram, and as they roll up and down the tram tracks, once each week, they could also be automatically applying said hairspray.

4. Men eating ice cream cones. You don't see a single guy in a business suit walking down the street eating a double scoop chocolate ice cream cone very often, eh? I did the other day and I haven't been able to shake it from my mind. I'm all for it, it just seems a bit, I don't know, indulgent. No there is definitely something a little creepy about it. "You know what, I just thought I should treat myself. I said Kevin, when was the last time you did something just for you. So I did it. I splurged out and got myself an ice cream And i am not even going to think about the calories."

3. Brothers. I reminiscing with myself the other day (which is really good because every memory I bring up I always seem to remember) and I was thinking about all the ways in which my brother hurt me. He split my cheek open trying to teach me how to box (he was 12, I was 6). He threw a dart into my leg. Shot me with a slug gun. Knocked out my front tooth with a barbell weight. Smashed numerous tennis balls, cricket balls, footballs into my face/eye/groin. And there was this one time where we were going on a footy trip, no parents, so my brother had to look out for me because I was only seven at the time. We jumped on the bus and walked down the aisle, right down to the back where all the cool kids sat. My brother slip into a seat and I naturally followed him into the same seat. He quickly pushed me off and told me to sit somewhere else because I was "cramping his style". The pain. The emotional Pain!

2. Soup. Because it seems very difficult to just order a decent bowl of soup. Just ask this guy.



1. Avocado. The other day, I was having breakfast at A minor place with my friend, Min. Now Min and I both hate avocado because it is foul, disgusting and overrated. It is the Russell Brand of fruits. On the menu at A Minor Place is a BALT (bacon, avocado, lettuce, tomato) and no BLT. So when the waitress came to take our order I said, Can I have a BLT, you only have a BLAT on the menu, so a BLAT without avocado. Avocado is evil." In a classic inner city, politically correct, stuff-white-people-like kinda way, the waitress, with utmost sincerity and concern, asked, "Evil? what's wrong with it, is it bad for the environment or something?" Poor thing.

There have also been reports, thanks to the investigative work of Min, of Avocado smoothies and milkshakes. Now come on. VOMIT!