In a series of post I have decided to document the numerous "rules of sandwich" which I have decreed over the years. Rules apply to non-toasted, bread-based closed sandwiches and exceptions will be highlighted where appropriate.
1. No individual filling shall be thicker in height than the sum height of the bread contained in said sandwich.
2. No greater than 3 condiments shall be used as filling on a standard sandwich. Should more than 3 condiments be used the sandwich must obey the "3 two 1" rule. For each condiment, in the case of a 3+ condiment sandwich, there must exist 2 'non-condiment' fillings for each condiment on the sandwich.
In the case that butter/margarine is used on the bread, the butter shall not count as a condiment.
*note* salt and pepper are not considered condiments.
3. Any sandwich containing more than 2 meats must contain at least 2 or more of the following:
- lettuce / salad
- a heart health warning.
4. Filling position - The Bread Clause. No filling, not including condiments, with a potential liquid consistency greater than a standard garden variety tomato (known as liquid-solid fillings) shall occupy the filling position boarding either the upper or lower sections of bread. For example, beetroot or pineapple. This rule does not apply for sandwiches with 3 or less fillings.
*note* Sandwiches of more than 3 fillings for which non-violation of the above rule would be a mathematical impossibility (i.e. sandwiches with only one filling that does fall into the liquid-solid filling category) are in violation of another rule that specifies this scenario.
5. For a style of sandwich to be officially named (E.g. Club Sandwich, A Reuben) the sandwich must be known by that name by no less than 5 people who do not share blood relations closer than cousins and shall live in 5 different households. This rule does not apply to restaurant/cafe/bar owners who can do whatever the fuck they want.